A brief history of KINK

Published on 15 March 2022 at 20:35

While the land is burning, the world keeps on turning.

Make love not war! That was the message at Woodstock! I thereby proceed to overwrite the message of "turn not a blind eye to the suffering of thy fellow man." with "Let us not procrastinate and live while we can."

Having landed in several, mostly random, conversations around the topic of sex and kink over the years, it reminded me of the assumption that sexuality only begins at puberty. In truth, sexuality starts much sooner and is asexual in nature.

Were you the little boy who crept under the kitchen table, marveling at the taught calves and curvy thighs, or dainty feet in high-heels? Were you the little girl who enjoyed tying up dolls, naked, making them just a bit more vulnerable before setting them free? Just a few of many examples of how sexuality and kink develop in early childhood. Such examples are not to be taken as proof of sexuality, but rather as bastions of early exploration of the physical realm. The connection between sexuality and the sex act is, however, only made in early adolescence (textbook psychology). 


Today, we try desperately to officially evolve past the norms set for us by our predecessors. And by we, I mean mostly me, and a handful of friends who've traveled similar paths in personal development. I cannot write on behalf of a multitude of people despite the very obvious fact that there are indeed multitudes of people, who've arrived at similar conclusions. 

Kink is represented in many ways in books, movies, TED talks, internet platforms and so on. It varies from simple things like wearing darker shades of make-up to lubricated latex bodysuits. It can be as innocent as love bites during sex, all the way to blindfolded rope suspension and eagle-spread flogging on a cross. The common point in all things kinky is "sensation". We all seek to enhance the sensory output of our environment. Perhaps many of the dead and buried philosophers would argue vehemently against feeling whilst promoting thinking instead. However, imagination happens because just thinking is not enough. Kink happens because just feeling is not enough. And since it isn't my aim to argue why many things are not enough, I'll leave that subject limp and hanging. 


For many years I told the story of two-guys-one-girl in a certain way:

I was 17, and friends with two boys. Things got tense between them; and then between all three of us. Suddenly, we couldn't spend school breaks discussing Ayn Rand's Atlas Shrugged, or exploring the historical and linguistic references of the Khoisan anymore...yes, we were three nerds, and it was a fun time. The two boys gradually began to argue over semantics: capitalism vs anarchy; secular vs ecclesiastic. I agreed with both and neither of them liked it. I had to choose! Neither of us approached the white elephant under that oak tree with us: sexual attraction. None of us admitted that sensual desire had overtaken intellectual curiosity. The friendship disbanded in a cloud of cinders and ashes and I eventually settled on one of the two as my boyfriend. The End.

That was the story as told according to popular norms, and I didn't think about correcting it. In reality, my choice was rigged from the start. There could be only one...or none. Beneath the layers of teenage angst and monogamous conditioning, however, was the real set of feelings. I was in love with them both, at the same time, in very different ways. I intensely desired the one for his depth of knowledge and magnetic charm, and was deeply fascinated by the other's cold intellect and stealthy courtship. Both had their own particular sex appeal, and both were completely different personalities from each other, and from me. That was the first time I touched upon the concept and reality of poly-love, without any preexisting definition for it.


Even though that first game was rigged, the rules have continued to evolve around my own curiosity rather than social norms. Sex, sexuality, kink and all things physical are difficult forces to subjugate in the name of intangible abstractions. And then there is the mind as well...probably the greatest driving force behind creation and destruction and unlikely to easily relinquish its power to any Master for very long. 


And as far as my story goes? As is often the case with most scintillating, sex stories...there's ALWAYS a sequel...


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