Do you like to watch?

Published on 2 May 2022 at 00:10

Online isn't real! Or is it?

"Do you like to watch?" This was the predominant phrase repeated throughout the movie (2003, Josh Levy). I remember watching this movie as a teen and it wasn't the horror story that thrilled me (I was into cult horror at that time, much like my fellow goth/alternative peers). What fascinated me...was the question... 

The movie was undoubtedly pretty awful. Apparently it didn't receive great reviews either. However, to my teenage mind at the time, it was new territory. I'd already progressively moved on to bigger and scarier things, so this movie was nothing by comparison. That said, it nevertheless introduced a new concept: voyeurism. Did I like to watch? Was the ultimate question at the end. I wasn't sure.

And yet, turning back the clock to the prepubescent period I may indeed have been that kid, ruffling through the discarded magazines in the school depot, searching for cool posters for my room. I did find cool posters! Of singers, actors, cartoons, motorcycles, cars and also, inadvertently, porn

Granted it was soft pornography. Playboy, Scoop, some Hustler. Nothing major all in all...back in the 90's things were cooler to the touch, so to speak. We had sex education in school and it wasn't bad all in all, but it was just the basics. I don't remember anything in particular about beauty, sensuality, or pleasure. Being a South African, growing up in the midst of an HIV/AIDS epidemic, the focus was on knowledge and safety, not on desire and satisfaction. Like all kids, I grew up and became a late teen, then an early 20-something and curiosity took the relay from abstinence.

I recall back in my university days, encountering the embodiment of contradiction while sharing a dorm room with a very religious, yet highly kinky girl. This was the contradiction in fact. Pretty much anything sexual was acceptable between her and her boyfriend, as long as he didn't watch porn. Porn was the Sin. Ahhh, and there was plenty amiss with the rest of the campus as well: drinking and weed was alright, but sex wasn't! This all happened sometime past the turn of the millennium and sexual liberty was still in its infancy. This kinky roommate was my torture. Not only was the room extremely small (and stuffy) but she also had the habit to slowly get undressed and just stay topless (sometimes entirely nude) while she fumbled about her toiletries and trinkets. She was well endowed, curvy and garnished with luscious locks of curly hair. I bit my lip...

"Did I like to watch?" ðŸ˜ą

 All of my boyfriends watched porn, some more fervently than others. In those early days though, it was much harder online (pun intended of course!). Less was more, and more was better. Sometimes I watched with them. For science! 

Today, well beyond my dorm days, and still way head of the dreaded 50's (to me anyway) I muse over the push and pull of the online world...or otherwise stated: porn! To those who know me deeper, they'll swear to my pragmatism alongside my wild imagination. So, I put my mouth where the money is! Or...? Wait!? ðŸĪŠ

Point is, I've dived into plenty of online things, ranging from deep intellectual debate to downright declarations of love...and...the sexy stuff. OnlyFans was an interesting discovery.

Nah! I'm not on there! Did I make you look though? 😁

I've kept telling myself over the years that online isn't real. And in many isn't. 😔

What is real, is the dorm girl getting undressed in front of close you can smell her hair...

What is real, is his arms pinning you against a wall...his body so close you gasp for air...

Online is a tricky limbo where some never quite make their way back nor move forward. It is, however, pretty real, make no mistake. What you put out there, is what often comes right back at you like a sharpened boomerang. Good and Bad!

And yet, I've learned that I do like to watch! Not everything...not everyone...not indiscriminate. It's not my limbo. ðŸ˜‡

I've also learned that a select few, like to watch me in return...topic for another post. ðŸĪŦ

Dune's litany really nails it: "Fear is the mind-killer" ...or...😅... climax-inhibitor in this case.


Seriously though: Do YOU like to watch?


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