Published on 18 September 2023 at 20:29

Hook-up's, ONS, FWB, Poly?

I've been meaning to write again about an old, favourite topic of mine, "Sexuality" for some time now but kept wondering how to approach it. It's become pretty difficult to take any kind of middle stance on sensitive topics the last while. Notably it has become pretty difficult to balance out harnessing attention for the purpose of sharing and education while at the same time not tipping the scales into obscenity and depravity. 

So how to do this? Uhm well...let's jump right in! 

I went to a party recently, as the main photo suggests, and stole a few moments for taking selfies in the club toilets (this one being the most tame of them all). Technically nobody was allowed to use their phone for the duration of the party but toilets are private and I'm not big on rules. Also, selfies don't infringe on any copyrights while spicing up any article. Hopefully I have henceforth justified my own obsession with myself as being entirely pragmatic and logistical in nature.

I met a friend there (or rather we, because I didn't go alone) and it brightened up the cold and detachment of the place and people. Normally we were supposed to mingle with some old friends there but our relationship with each other had long since dried up and all that remained was a kind of pickle jar of casual engagement. 

"I mean, how far is too far?" I asked him with a grin. I particularly enjoyed deep conversations in kinky environments; the contrast has always been so delicious.

"I really don't know...for you." He answered thoughtfully. "I mean, I know that I'm not enjoying this so much anymore."

I was surprised and yet not that much. I'd long wondered when he'd resign the party lifestyle and think of settling down.

Actually, he'd fallen in love...and the thought silently, and somewhat melancholically, pleased me.

It's quite ironic considering the over-sexualised, detached nature of everything around us that love still tends to follow THE WAY: Immersion and Exclusion!

But let's get to the juicy parts: 

  • Hook-up's! A lot of men are into them...a lot of women too. Why? 
  • ONS (One Night Stand). Is it the same than a hook-up? 
  • FWB (Friends with Benefits). Can a friendship truly be a friendship while being non-platonic at the same time?
  • Poly (romantically loving more than one partner). Can it ever, truly be equal?

I chose basic questions but there are of course many metaphysical paths to explore on these modernisations of love and sex.

I always tell new connections to venture into my mind at their own peril and also, that I've already lived many lives and have gone down many Rabbit Holes. I've yet to find the ultimate unifying answer to HOW FAR IS TOO FAR, AND HOW MUCH IS TOO MUCH? 

But...I do have some answers (Disclaimer! It's personal!):

  • Hook-up's are instant gratification and that's why many people enjoy them. Less effort than any kind of relationship.
  • One night stands are somewhat like hook-up's but typically without follow-up. Same difference!
  • No. Once you cross that boundary, you become lovers, whether or not it involves actual feelings of love or not.
  • No. There will always come a moment when a hard choice will need to be made.

We  live in our heads! (Said an ex-girlfriend of an ex-boyfriend once during a crisis of borderline disorder - if such can exist!).

It's very much the spice of life as we veer off the realm of real, and observable matter. 

The intense desire to materialise thoughts is also at the core of the conflict between self and other, between creation and destruction, between now and tomorrow

Is conservative love the answer to long-lasting happiness? Maybe. Try it out before discounting its merit.

Is sexual liberation the answer to the orgasm chasm? Most probably. A boring sex life has never done any marriage any good.

Is sexual liberation akin to promiscuity? No. It doesn't have to be. 

"So how often do you deviate?" Asked an ex-friend once.

"Not often." I replied cryptically.

"That depends on your definition of not often!" He smirked.

"Once a year maybe." I replied softly.

He remained silent. 

I guess I passed!

Some things are black or white and others are grey. The trick to keeping your sanity as well as your self-respect, is to figure out which is which in an ever changing environment of colours.

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